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Hi, I'm Jamie. I'm a writer, reader, and huge TV junkie. I just might post about all three here on this blog. Have a look around. And if you want, drop me an email and tell me what you think. Thanks for visiting!

Monday, November 1, 2010

it's a logline contest, people!

That's right. If you have a really cool logline for a novel you've finished (or one you're working on or one you want to write), then head on over to Chocolate Reality and sign up! The wonderful Steena is holding a logline contest for anyone interested, and the grand prize is a critique from Michelle McLean! How cool is that? The awesome Ms. McLean will be offering up either a query or 5-10 page critique for the winner, so go ahead and add your name to the list and compete...you know you want to!

And here is my entry into the logline contest...enjoy!

Title: Scarlet
Genre: YA Paranormal

Ava Prynne walks the line between super cool and total dork, desperate to be popular. But after a video of her being drunk and "flirty" hits the web and she's labeled the school slut, her dead-for-centuries cousin Hester takes over her body and exacts revenge for the women of Prynne.

(rewrite omitted by me...I'm gonna go with my gut and stay with the original!)




23 comments:

  1. I LOVE this concept! This should be really interesting to agents.

    But...I think we have too much info about Ava, and that you could combine that sentence with the inciting incident. Something like, "Desperate-to-be-popular Ava is labeled the school slut when...".

    So what is Ava's goal, beyond popularity? What are the stakes if she doesn't achieve that goal? The conflict is clear - Hester's revenge. But we need to know a little bit more.

    Good luck!
    Vicki

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  2. That sounds interesting enough that I'd want to know more about the story!

    Um... I think Vicki had some good comments so don't think I need to add anymore other than that this story sounds pretty cool :-)

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  3. Great concept! I agree with Vicki, I think this could easily be combined into one sentence!

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  4. Thanks for the heads-up and the contest - your logline sounds really interesting!

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  5. Jamie: I emailed you last night (not sure where it went...). If you want, go ahead and email me at: phryne1969 (at) gmail (dot) com and let me know which of the Sayers packages you'd like (Coffee & a Book Chick snagged the other one...she was the first name drawn).

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  6. Ooooh, interesting! I'd totally want to read this. I'm wondering how Ava handles being taken over by a spirit.

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  7. Love your logline! Seriously, love it!

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  8. Wow, I really like your logline. It could be tightened a little, but it's still great as is. :)

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  9. Hey there,
    Firstly, thank you for visiting my logline and for commenting. ";-) I like your rewrite, but I think my ear preferred your first, one-liner. For me, the only clarification I would need in the first one is super cool and total dork.

    I really like your concept. Good luck!

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  10. Hi Jamie,

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. The premise on this is very intriguing. I did like what Vicki came up with for the beginning. It sounds more direct. Great job.

    Michael

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  11. This is really good, but Hester wouldn't be her cousin if he was dead for several centuries. And I wasn't sure what the last part about the women of Prynne meant.

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  12. Love the concept! I stumbled at two points, which I cleared through a second reading.

    First, if she's walking the line between cool and total dork, what does that make her on an average day?

    Second, the end of the last sentence threw me "women of Prynne". My first thought was the name of the town was Prynne, too. (I know, duh on me) I think if you added "the women of the Prynne family" or somesuch, I'd get it the first time through.

    Finally, I agree with the other Vicki above about stakes. Is there more involved here?

    Overall, nice job and I'd definitely be reaching for this one!

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  13. that sounds like an original plot though tit could be edited for more punch.
    Perhaps?

    Ava Prynne, neither super cool nor dorky, is desperate to be popular. Worse still a video showing her drunk and "flirty" hits the web, marking her out as the school slut. Assuming the body of a dead relative in an ancient ritual she exacts her revenge.

    :O)

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  14. This sounds good, because I think most of us normal people walked that line of cool and dork LOL. After something recent I heard an agent say, I would leave out the "desperate to be popular." And honestly, dork, super cool, having a video like that come out would suck on so many levels. Maybe you could start with the videoo part- that's what makes your story unique and different from other YA, high school stories. Go right into the part about Hester taking taking over. Good luck, Jamie : )

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  15. Great logline! I'm assuming "Prynne" means "Hester Prynne" from The Scarlet Letter? That would explain the title. I love the concept. :)

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  16. Interesting concept, but your logline could be tightened a tad. No major changes, just a little tweaking.

    For example, I think the first line would flow better if you began it with: "Desperate to be popular," Ava Prynne walks the line between super cool and total dork. The original version is jarring.

    Still not sure about the last sentence. You may consider revising the "being drunk and flirty" to something more active. Gerunds tend to weaken sentences, IMHO. Also, FWIW, I would read on. Best of luck with this.

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  17. The second bit caught me a little off guard, but it sounds like a interesting story! Love the idea!

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  18. Very interesting! Sometimes it's great to just go with your gut. Good luck and great to meet you!

    Cheers,
    Jackee

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  19. Looks like everyone agrees with Vicki! This is a great concept - new and fresh. It would definitely get attention from voracious readers looking for something new to read.
    Margay

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  20. This is great. Unique concept, succinct and yet with enough info to intrigue me. I have no suggestions for improvement.

    Nicely done.

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  21. I love a good revenge book! Great idea and a good logline (I like that the town's name is Prynne). My only suggestion would be to change cousin Hester into ancestor Hester. But I'd read the book!

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  22. I've not read what the other commenters say, so that my comments are fresh.

    I love the second sentence! It's perfect and I think Hester sounds fabulous. My problem is with Ava: can someone really be either super-cool or dork? Surely there are shades in between the two and where does Ava fall within those shades. Also, I want to know what Ava cares about - if it's just popularity then she's not very interesting. What are HER goals? What motivates her?

    I'd read it for Hester alone, though!

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